And like that the door is closed. I am no longer the mom of littles.
Yesterday I delivered all four of my children to elementary and middle schools to learn, grow, and love others for another school year. They are big kids now and I don't like it. My babies are growing up.
Obviously I knew this day would come but I never dreamed it would feel like this. It's a roller coaster of emotions because while many mothers dream about having a few minutes of quiet each day, when it becomes a reality, it is not what one would think it would be. I love having my little chicks under my wings and they are flying the coop for longer periods of time.
I also dreamed it would look different. When I stopped teaching 12 years ago, the plan was to take an extended sabbatical and then return to teaching in the public schools when our kiddos all entered school. I loved my years of teaching and looked forward to getting back in the classroom.
But God had different plans. And it has caused me to question, wonder, and feel a little grief.
Don't get me wrong. I love the ABCJLM family! I am beyond humbled for the opportunity that God has given me on the internet. The fact that He has taken this blog and ABCJLM ministry around the world is breath taking. I never dreamed how God would use our story for His Kingdom.
It's just not what I had planned.
You too have had your planned interrupted?
After my sister died, I clung to the verse Jeremiah 29:11 because I needed to know that God was sovereign in all the grief I was feeling.
My plans and dreams for the future were rocked and I had to learn to stand on the promise that God knows the plan He has for me. He is giving me hope and a future.
Obviously this new season isn't anything like grieving over the loss of my sister. Nothing like it. But, I realize no matter how large the grief, I need to acknowledge the feelings I have about the closed door. It's a grief of leaving behind the season of little children in our home. It's the grief of not being able to return to teaching in the public schools...right now.
Then in acknowledging these feelings I can find joy in the journey God has for me and the opportunities that this new season opens for me as a wife, mom, friend, writer, and speaker. Finding joy is allowing me to see that while God may be closing the door right now, He has a new door ready for me to open if I choose to follow in obedience.
I don't know what this new door will have in store but I can trust Him knowing that as long as I am willing, it will further His Kingdom. Isn't that what I desire most?
Many of you are facing interrupted expectations right now. It could be the grief that parenting isn't what you thought it would be. It could be the disappointment in a failed friendship or job. Maybe the grief of having to leave all you know for a new place.
I pray whatever it is that you can find peace and joy knowing that we serve a sovereign God who is crazy about us. Even though He is God and could do it on His own, He invites us to participate in His work to further His Kingdom. How I serve Him may look different than I expected but being in His will is the best place that I can be.
It's time for me to open the new door before me. How about you?
Enjoy these lyrics from one of my favorite songs by Michael W. Smith.
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