Tuesday, July 21, 2015

How to Talk to Your Child about Sex

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In April I shared "How to Have the First of 'The' Talks with Your Daughter."  The respond was amazing.  So many of you messaged me and commented about this important topic.  You shared relief after feeling much fear and anxiety over approaching this delicate topic with your daughter. 

But what I shared was just the tip of the iceberg for talks with your daughter.  And we haven't even talked about our sons yet!  While the body changes are important, there is much more that needs to be discussed.  You know what I am talking about...the big sex talk. 

But where do you start?  What do you say?  And how do you give your child a Biblical foundation on the subject?
I have heard a lot about Passport2Purity (P2P) but I didn't know anything about it other than it involved a weekend getaway for you and your preteen. We have friends who have used it but I wondered if it provide my husband and I the tools we desire for our family? 

I believe it will.

P2P uses CD's, object lessons, and guided conversations all in a relaxed, child-focused atmosphere to help your son or daughter decide in advance how he or she will stay pure - heart, mind, and body.  The getaway kit provides you with almost everything you will need. 
  • Tour Guide for Parents
  • Eight CD's
  • Journal for the PreTeen including 25 follow-up devotions
I was amazed at how thorough the Tour Guide book is for the parent.  It is filled with suggestions, tips, a detailed itinerary, supply list, and ways to pray for your preteen and the weekend.  It breaks down each of the sessions and provides ideas of how to handle the delicate subject matter.

The eight Cd's are the center of the weekend.
  • CD 1:  Intro
  • CD 2:  Peer Pressure
  • CD 3, 4:  Body Changes (separate CD's for boys and girls)
  • CD 5:  Purity -  Setting boundaries
  • CD 6:  Pornography, Homosexuality, Sexual Experimentation (Optional CD separated for boys and girls)
  • CD 7:  Dating
  • CD 8:  Scripture Memory Songs by Seeds Family Worship
To provide you with the best review possible, I listened to each of the CD's.  (I encourage you to do the same before listening to them with your preteen.)   I found myself nodding my head many times as I heard truth coated with Scripture.  The central theme is to help the child decide in advance how he or she is going to deal with each of these topics and for the child to hear what the Bible says. Throughout the CD's, the parent and preteen are instructed to pause the CD to discuss or do an activity.

Added to the Third Edition of P2P is Scripture memory songs produced and presented by one of my favorites - Seed Family Worship

The PreTeen Journal contains listening guides and blanks for the preteen to fill in while listening.  Because the CD's contain a lot of listening, I encourage you to take something to do while listening.  In my mind some play dough or modeling clay could be very helpful.

Now that I have shared the what of P2P, I want to share my thoughts.

Passport2Purity ~
Well done FamilyLife and Dennis and Barbara Rainey.  That is my honest thought.  Well done.  I am amazed at how they have explained the sensitive subjects with clarity, grace, and a personal touch.  Topics are covered that I wouldn't have thought to discuss.  The premise of the talks is to "decide in advance" what you are going to do in various circumstances.  And how these decisions communicate your belief in God.  The sessions teach not only abstinence but why God created sex, how to withstand peer pressure, and the importance of keeping touch and intercourse between a husband and a wife.  This is not just a wait-because-that-is-what-good-Christian-kids-do resource.  For that, I am very thankful.

Why ~
When I hear of 13 or 14 year old boys and girls dating, I want to cry.  Society pushes children - yes, they are children - into relationships that they are not ready for.  This is why it is so important for us as parents to lay a Biblical foundation for our children to understand God's design for marriage and sex.  For them to understand that God created both marriage and sex between a husband and wife for His glory and honor.  As a portrait of who God is.  God is not embarrassed or ashamed by this and we as parents shouldn't be either.  It is my desire to lead our children into marriage with a healthy and Biblical view of sex. 

Age ~
I've provided you with resources but when it is appropriate to use them?  P2P is geared for children who are 11 or 12 years old (preteens).   Here are a few of my thoughts. 
  1. My husband and I want our children to hear all of this information from us.  We desire to lay a Biblical foundation of sexuality.  Because of this, these topics need to be approaches earlier than later.  
  2. I believe we have to take the maturity of each child into account. Even though Bubs is 11, he is not quite ready for this information.  Due to his anxiety and immaturity, we have decided to wait a little longer to go through this material.  We may cover the topic sooner with Sweet Pea due to her maturing faster.  
  3. Instead of having one talk, I encourage you to make this a continuous conversation.  We used The Care and Keeping of You: The Body Book for Younger Girls as the spring board for Sweet Pea to understand her changing body and we will use P2P as the spring board for talking about sex. Open dialogue is the best way to handle this subject.

Due to our children's ages, we have not yet experienced  a Passport2Purity getaway weekend with any of our children.  But it is just around the corner and I am thankful that I already have the resources in my hands.  Plus, I have a better idea how to handle questions that come up before we go through the entire material.

Adding to the Weekend ~

In listening, the Holy Spirit brought one more idea to my mind.  Before we go, I want to contact various-aged adults whom my son or daughter respects.  I will ask each of them to write a letter explaining what they wish they would have done or known.  How they wish they would have handled their dating experiences and what they are thankful they did to protect their purity.  Then on our getaway weekend, we can read these letters together.  This will reinforce what he or she is hearing from the CD's and from me.  

What if a Getaway Weekend isn't possible? ~  

For some families, a getaway weekend will not be an option.  Remember that great cost is not required.  As long as you have access to a CD play and privacy the sky's the limit.  A camping or hiking trip would be great for boys.  If needed, spread the sessions to cover several days. 

After the Getaway Weekend ~

Included in the PreTeens journal are 25 daily devotions to "keep your heart and mind pursuing purity."  Love these. 

Here are some books that could also be used for further learning:

  You!  A Christian Girl's Guide to Growing Up by Nancy Rue
Containing information about body and beauty, this book would be great for an adult-lead preteen group study with decision questions, craft ideas, and Scripture.

The Ultimate Guys' Body Book by Dr. Walt Larimore
This book would be a great follow up to P2P for guys. Covers the same topics yet presented in a question/answer book format. 

 The Ultimate Girls' Body Book: Not-So-Silly Questions About Your Body by Drs. Walt Larimore and Amaryllis Sanchez Wohlever
Read my review here.

Now What?
If you have a child or plan to have one, you need to be thinking now about how you are going to explain marriage and sex to your child.  Before you know it, you will have a preteen in your home.  I hope that these two posts (Girls' Changing Body and Passport2Purity) have helped by providing you with resources and tips.

If you are close to the preteen years, I encourage you to purchase the Passport2Purity kit now.  Listen with your spouse and decide what topics and when you want to cover each with your child.  Also, hear how the Rainey's have answered tough questions from their children. 

Purchase through Amazon or use the promo code PASSPORT on the FamilyLife website to receive a 25% discount on the P2P $39.99 kit.  (Good through 8/31/15) And for those who have more than one child like us, purchase a replacement Journal for repeat use.

This post contains affiliate links. When you click on these links, I may receive an itty-bitty commission at no additional cost to you.

Be sure to join us in our private ABCJLM Facebook Group as we will be discussing these topics further.

Thank you to FlyBy Promotions and Zondervan for allowing me to review these products.  


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    1. Welcome to the Our Out-of-Sync Life family!


The Our Out-of-Sync Life blog focuses on encouraging women to deepen their spiritual life, simplify daily tasks, and impress Jesus on the children around them.