Tuesday, January 7, 2014

I Don't Love Well

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Yesterday I expressed my God-driven desire to share my raw, imperfect life with you.  As promised that is exactly what I am going to do and I pray that you will be encouraged and strengthened. 

Interestingly, the majority of my blog readers don't know anything about me other than what I share on these posts.  99% of you don't know my last name or my children's names.  I often wonder if you ask yourself, "What is Heidi like in real life?".  Do you question what my friends would say about me?

This pondering has many times consumed my mind as I type to you.  Am I being honest and forthright? 

One thing that I believe my close friends would say about me is that I love on them pretty well.  While I do better some times than others, I check on my friends and deeply desire to care, listen, and provide for them and their families as much as I can. 

Go me! Right?  ...Not so much.
The Holy Spirit is hitting me hard with some verses from Matthew 5.
46If you love only those who love you, what good is that? Even scoundrels do that much. 47 If you are friendly only to your friends, how are you different from anyone else? Even the heathen do that.
He made it evident in a couple of recent situations that I don't love as well as I think.  Sure I love those who love me but "what good is that?". 

For the preceding verses say:

43 “There is a saying, ‘Love your friends and hate your enemies.’44 But I say: Love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! 45 In that way you will be acting as true sons of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust too.

I don't {think} I have a bunch of enemies.  But, I do have a few people who rub me wrong.  Like fingernails on a chalkboard.

Maybe because we are too alike.  Maybe because we are total opposites.  Maybe the issues occur because of pride.  Whatever the reason an ugly, horrible side emerges from within me whenever I am around these people.  A side that I don't want to even admit exists.  A side of me that I hate to see no matter how provoked I feel. 

A side that is not loving, kind, or merciful.  Definitely not Christ-like.  A part of me that is putting my pride before loving others. 

Please tell me that I am not alone in this battle.

As I sit here thinking about this issue, I realize that these people have been placed in my life for a reason.  They are sandpaper to my rough edges (as I am probably to them as well).  God wants to do some refining in my life.  He wants this unloving characteristic inside of me to die to self.

In helplessness, I don't know what to do.  I simply can't love theses people. 

This is where the Holy Spirit whispers, "You're right.  You can't!  But I can.  Open your heart and let Me love through you." 

There are two areas of my life that I am praying daily this year for transformation.  Loving others is the first one.  In the next few posts, I will share the second issue. 

What is the area of life that you need transformed?  What is God asking you to do that you can't?

Will you join me in daily praying for the impossible task God is asking us to do?

6 comments :

  1. Wow, this post is the first one I have read from your blog and man did it speak to me! I have so much trouble loving people that rub me the wrong way. At times I feel like it is my "Duty" to set them straight and afterwards I feel so bad for being mean or hurtful. I really need to work on this and be the Christian that God wants me to be. Live every day to please him! I will continue to pray about it because I am not sure how I can do this. Thanks so much for blogging about this subject!!

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    1. Praying that you continue to find encouragement. :)

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  2. "Please tell me that I am not alone in this battle."

    Heidi, you are so not alone. I am struggling with the same thing, but towards the people I love the most. We've had some huge changes in the last few months and I am struggling to cope with it all. That being said, I know it is wrong to take out my feelings on my family, but in the heat of the moment I spew. So, my prayer has been that God would convict me in the moment and help me make better choices.

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    1. Thank you for sharing Andrea! How it helps to know we aren't alone.

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  3. I have been going through some old emails this is why I am late commenting on it. I don't know how I missed this blog post but I think it was because I needed to hear/read it today! The past two weeks have been a major struggle for me. I have and am being hurt by a family member and they will be coming up to visit soon. I have been struggling to find this visit exciting while everyone else in the family is ecstatic. I fear I will only be hurt more, this fear has been closing me up and I can feel a bitterness start that I do not like. I often find myself saying those exact words, "I'm helpless how can I love someone who doesn't love me". I needed this reminder that we can't, not on our own. I now will face this visit in prayer asking the Holy Spirit to open my heart and love through me.

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    1. Thank you for sharing. Sending a pray your way for this upcoming visit.

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The Our Out-of-Sync Life blog focuses on encouraging women to deepen their spiritual life, simplify daily tasks, and impress Jesus on the children around them.