Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Help in Anger Management #3

Yesterday I shared the second little nuggets of wisdom that I gleaned from Julie Ann Barnhill's book She's Gonna Blow!: Real Help for Moms Dealing with Anger.  Today is the third in this week-long series providing you with practical tips to use in your own life.

Wisdom Point #3 – Learning to Really Listen
My older two kiddos discuss books that they read at school. If I haven't read these books, I make a mental note of the titles so that when I am browsing the picture books at the library, I can check them out. No, David! is a book that I have heard mentioned. After reading this novelty, I was shocked that it was one worth mentioning because the entire book is an adult telling David “No!”.

About three-quarters of the way through the book, I felt the Holy Spirit's elbow in my ribs. (This means that it was getting personal!)  I was the mom in the picture book.  How I get into the rut of saying “no” to everything my child says. My first reaction is no!

The problem is that I am not truly listening to my child. I am anticipating him or her saying something to annoy me. And I don't have time to be annoyed!  To make matters worse, my children don't accept my impatient "no" with a polite "Yes, Mommy" and that makes me irritated. 
Julie Ann Barnhill says: 
The real trick is learning to listen past all those annoying communications and hear the real message behind them, which is “Mom, I love you and I need you.”
Taking time to hear the real message behind the words. 

I have seen this played out so many times in our home. Here is an example. When Sweet Pea gets insecure, she attacks me with questions. When I don't take the time to really listen to her, I see the situation as simply an annoying conversation. But when I stop, get on her level, and listen with my heart, I hear a little girl who is insecure and unsure what to do.

Until our children learn how to use their words to voice what's really going on (which in some cases is never) we must love them enough to play detective and find the truth behind what is being said.  This means getting rid of the no-disease and irritation to hear the real message behind the words.    Our children are begging us to.

And no one can get angry over a heartfelt "I love you!"

Tomorrow Wisdom Point #4.

What situations cause your children to hide their real emotions behind annoying communication?

Thank you to Harvest House Publishing for allowing me to review this helpful book.

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The Our Out-of-Sync Life blog focuses on encouraging women to deepen their spiritual life, simplify daily tasks, and impress Jesus on the children around them.