I wrote this post a few mornings ago following my quiet time.
It had been a long week. Not a good way to start out a new year. Little Man was beyond control and Bubs was off in la-la land. My frustration remains very high.
When it gets like this I feel like a movie star in a scene where the surroundings are spinning quickly around her. I am unsure how to get "life" to stop.
Out of control with Our Out-of-Sync Life.
I awoke this morning with a devotional book on my night stand. My husband left a message for me to pray and then read it.
The devotional began discussing storms and fears before reviewing the passage of Mark 4:35-41. Here the disciples are besides themselves over a storm that is close to taking both their boat and their lives. And where is Jesus during this brewing tragedy? He is sleeping in the stern of the boat!
I have to admit...had I been in that boat, under those circumstances, I would have been ticked. Angry that Jesus wasn't doing something. How dare He leave me and my friends....
Wait...isn't that what is happening in my life right now?
I am mad at God for leaving me and my family in this life of ADHD, Sensory Processing, severe pragmatics issues, impulse control problems, and exhaustion. It's like He is sleeping in the other room while I am desperately trying to hold things together.
But just as He told the disciples, He says to me..."Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?"
Psalm 46 says:
God is our refuge and strength,an ever-present help in trouble.Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give wayand the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,though its waters roar and foamand the mountains quake with their surging.
I have heard these verses many times and can even sing a song to you quoting these verses. But today I realized something big.
Bascially what these verses are saying is that even though the earth falls apart, the mountains fall into the sea, the water rises high causing the mountains to erupt - GOD is my refuge and strength. He is always with me in my trouble.
Friend, why do we fear? Why do we desperately try to contain what is uncontainable? Especially when we know the truth.
I don't know.
But I do know that every time I turn to the Scriptures God is asking me to let go. Release it all to Him.
This isn't going to happen over night. Not even in a few weeks. For me, this probably won't happen in my lifetime. But, every time I am reminded, I am one step closer to releasing my life to Him.
What are you desperate to control?