Thursday, April 7, 2011

Drive Through Conflict Resolution

A few days again Sweet Pea and Bubs were going at each other.  Neither one were listen to the other.  Watching this war, my mind jumped forward twenty years.  I saw each of my kiddos with his/her spouse.  Frankly - it frightened me.  How I "disagree" with my husband...

Oh, who am I kidding...

How I argue with my husband and how I allow my kids to argue with each other will be how my children handle disagreements with their spouses. 

Wooo...  This thought hit me really hard.

While we were engaged, we attended a Gary Smalley Marriage Conference with several friends from college. There were two things that I remember about the marriage tips. One was the lion-golden retriever-odder-beaver personality tests. Yes, I am a strong lion. The other was the Drive-Through Talking.

Go to your favorite drive through with me.  Oh, that made my mouth water!  Can you say Sonic?

You are the customer.  You tell your order to the employee who in return repeats your order back to make sure that he or she understood correctly.  Pretty simple.  Drive-Through Talking...

This is exactly what I had Sweet Pea and Bubs do.  It took several times but finally they were both ready.  Sweet Pea listed her thoughts about the situation.  Bubs repeated back to her what he heard.  This was really hard because he wanted to state his thoughts.  But when he listened he learned there actually hadn't been a problem at all.  He realized that she actually wanted the exact same thing that he did. 

The impact that this situation had on me was huge.  One, I was reminded once again of the huge responsibility I have to not just "talk the talk, but walk the walk."  Secondly, it reminded me how dumb fights are most of  the time.  Fights between siblings.  Fights between spouses. 

I pray that the Holy Spirit will again remind me of the Drive-Through Talking the next time the kids go after each other.  I pray the Holy Spirit will remind me to use it in my own marriage as well.

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The Our Out-of-Sync Life blog focuses on encouraging women to deepen their spiritual life, simplify daily tasks, and impress Jesus on the children around them.